just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
