I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
