but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize