talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
