hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
