That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
