Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
