no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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