i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
