People in love make me want to vomit
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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