My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
