This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
