p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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