How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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