is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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