Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
