FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
