i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
