YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
