I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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