what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's always time for handjobs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
