Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
