he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
