If i come over, it means nothing
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
