i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
