matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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