I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
