So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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