Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
