one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
