my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
