can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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