I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
