mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
even my farts smell like vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
