Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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