I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
