4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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