I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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