so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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