i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize