Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
