You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
