so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize