I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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