where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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