we're chasing vodka with high fives
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
