this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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