Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I understand Curling. That high.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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