I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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