So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
