That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
