Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So vagazzling was a success
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
