a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
