the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
