2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize