i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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