it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
