I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
