Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
