New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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