hotel room ftw
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
