Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
