Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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