I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
