A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize