it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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