Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
