Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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