the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
