You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just threw up on my dentist
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize