OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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