I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
