just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize