well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
