Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize