I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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