oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
