Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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