I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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