I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
