This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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