dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize