I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
