so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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