i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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